It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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