My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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