No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
