PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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