If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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