eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
