Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
