you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
