Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize