First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
