Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
