I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
