im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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