You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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