So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
