thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
