Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
