remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
