They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
