I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
