I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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