the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
