She said her name was "party"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
