would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize