So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
