i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
