I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize