Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
