She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
two words...techno handjob
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
