but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
