So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
