P.S. I can't hear my feet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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