never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
