oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
