i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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