she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
