I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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