Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
