is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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