Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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