I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
