Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
