My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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