You work out of a Hotel?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
