Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
