She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
