remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
