That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
