I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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