Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
