god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
