Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize