Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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