when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
