its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
