There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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