I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
