ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
