I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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