What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
