i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
