i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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