The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
