i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
