how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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