Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
