there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
