The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
