I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So. Much. Porn.
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