Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize