I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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