Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
