Me too!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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