I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
