So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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