dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
