in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
