i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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