I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
