Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
