I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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