Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
