Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
