first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
