ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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