do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
