So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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