This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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