If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
