He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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