You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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