you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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