my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
