Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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