I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
