I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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