Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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