I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
