Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
