I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
