you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
