Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize