Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
