i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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